


Alone.

by the_foxiest_box



Series: Rust's tumblr requests [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Pale Relationship, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, more requests from tumblr!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-21 02:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1534766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_foxiest_box/pseuds/the_foxiest_box
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm feeling that thing you were talking about," you don't quite remember what the emotion you are feeling is called, "You know, the one that happens when you're socially deprived? And we weren't allowed to feel that way back at home?"</p><p>"I believe the term you're looking for is lonely." </p><p>Lonely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone.

**Author's Note:**

> anonymous asked: pale karnaya cuddles please
> 
> Yay! I like getting to write about these two. c:
> 
> its one in the morning and i have school tomorrow but oh well.

            You peak around the corner of the hall way like a nervous wriggler, which you practically are. You cannot believe you are resorting to this. You know she's there - a soft glow is illuminating the hall from around the corner you're about to turn. There's just one thing preventing you from making the final turn and approaching your dear friend, and that is the fear that she may already be preoccupied with Rose.

            It seems like Kanaya is always with Rose these days. You really wanted to go and talk to Kanaya sometimes, but you couldn't. Not with Rose there. You don't want to take Kanaya away from Rose either - you would feel terribly, so you never said a word. You knew how much those two loved each other, and you'd never forgive yourself if they split up because of your neediness.

            This is so stupid. Why did you even consider leaving your block for help?

            It's just when you turn to sulk away that your hear her voice.

            "Karkat, I know you're there."

            Damn it, you forgot how sensitive this troll had become, "No I'm no- I mean- fuck."

            You turn around and bashfully pass the the corner and into her field of vision. The two of you stare back at one another for what feels like sweeps. This is the first time you've gotten to visit Kanaya on your own since who knows when. You've been on this damn meteor for far too long, anyway.

            "Well," you are the first to speak up, "what do you want?"

            "I don't want anything. I believe that you are looking for something, however, am I correct?" her bright yellow eyes flash back at you in a rather intimidating way, but you know there's nothing intimidating about this girl. 

            You avert your gaze to the cold floor below you. Your mouth opens to speak, but you honestly have no idea why you came here in the first place. You have nothing to say.

            "I was just organizing some old fabric I found," you look up, "Would you care to sit on the fabric pile for a while?" 

            Without so much as a "yes" or a nod you mousy on over to the pile and seat your self silently. You're very discomforted by how silent it is. It's been too long since you've experienced peace and quiet like this. You draw your knees in and gaze around the block - it's Kanaya's block. It still has the same old peaceful feel to it, but it seems a little emptier now, as if some sort of grief is hidden away among the bright colors and cloth.

            The sound of the folding fabric beside you is lulling and almost comforting, and you like watching Kanaya's hands work away with each cloth. Just her presence has calmed you down already.

            "Are you feeling fit to tell me what's been bothering you now?" Kanaya brings her gaze away from her work and up to you.

            You want to avoid the question, but at the same time you're more ready to spill than a teetering glass of water. 

            "I'm feeling that thing you were talking about," you don't quite remember what the emotion you are feeling is called, "You know, the one that happens when you're socially deprived? And we weren't allowed to feel that way back at home?"

            "I believe the term you're looking for is _lonely_." 

            _Lonely._

            "Yeah, that's the one," you let your voice trail off as you rest your head on your knees.

            "Well, Karkat," the folding sounds continue as she speaks again, "what do you think has been making you feel this way? You certainly haven't been out of your block recently, I must say." 

            You blink slowly at the ground from your knees. You know exactly why you're lonely, and for the past week or so, you'd simply been avoiding that conflict.

            "For one thing, most everyone's dead..." You grumble miserably, but that's not your main issue, "...and everyone still alive is too busy for me." It sounds pathetic coming from the leader's mouth. 

            For a while the both of you are silent, and the sound of Kanaya's hands through assorted material fills the room again.

            You open your mouth again, "Gamzee and I aren't a thing anymore, so he's gone off to god knows where..."

            Kanaya nods understandingly. 

            "You've been all caught up with Rose," your voice cracks as you state your final reason, "...and Dave and Terezi are too busy making out in can town."

            You lower your head even further into your legs. 

            "I'm sorry if I've been unavailable to you recently," is her first response, her second, "Have you tried... participating in can town with those two?"

            "Yeah, once. She assigned me to 'building repair' and then put me in jail for knocking over a fucking building by accident!" It doesn't take long for you to raise your voice, "And then that Strider dipshit got to be the police man! ... I used to be the police man when we were younger..." 

            "Please cut back on your shout poles," she says promptly in response to your yelling, "And as for the Dave human, I suppose you are feeling jealous of him?" 

            Of course you're jealous of Dave. As soon as he arrived on the meteor the two had fallen head over heals in love and hadn't been separated since. Why did Dave have to get Terezi's affection? It wasn't fair! You'd been chasing after that girl for way longer than that douche bag. 

            You look up for a moment, and nod with shame. You hate being jealous, though it's not as painful as loneliness. You feel your breathing speed up, as well as your blood pusher, which has begun to beat rather loudly. You can feel the pressure building inside your small chest. Oh god, you know this feeling. Please don't do this here in front of Kanaya...

            "Now, I know it may-" Kanaya seems to have noticed the tears running down your face, "Heavens, are you quite alright?" 

            For the first time, the sound of jumbling fabric stops, and all that is left are your small sobs. You hate this. You hate crying. You hate Dave. You hate... yourself. Here you are sitting in your friend's respite block and unable to control your own tears. This is the definition of pathetic. 

            Kanaya thoughtlessly stops what she's doing and hurries over to your sitting spot. You just bury your face in your knees. You don't want her to see you cry.

            "Karkat..." You feel her climb onto the pile as well, "Karkat." 

            "Leave me alone..." You really want a shoulder to cry on right now.

            "I don't think that's why you came here... to be left alone?"

            You can feel her long and slender arms reach around your small frame. She's very warm, and her embrace is very inviting. It's so inviting that you might just uncurl and return the gesture... which you do.

            The two of you sprawl out over the assorted colors - Kanaya underneath, and you crooned into her neck from beside her, your arms all over her. You stop crying as hard as you feel her fingers grazing through your hair.

            You never realized how much you fucking needed this. 

            It's been a while since you felt loved. You'd forgotten what it felt like, and you are glad to recall just how nice it feels. It fills in the holes in your blood pusher, and warms you from the inside out. Maybe this wouldn't solve anything huge, but it soothes you more than you could ever ask for. 

            You find yourself babbling into her neck about how miserable you've been, going on and on with your tears. Kanaya continues nodding sympathetically, fingers still tangled in your hair.

            "Shhhh..." She whispers as you begin to calm down, "You don't have to blame yourself for everything. You're still only a child, as am I."

            You nod in agreement, taking in a shaky breath.

            "It just sucks having to grow up with no one there to help you..." You mumble and rub your eyes off on your sweater sleeve.

            "...I will definitely try to cut some time out for you in the future if that is what you wish."

            "No, no. Don't do that. Don't sacrifice your time with Rose just because I'm a needy doofus...!"

            "Karkat, Rose is very dear to me, but I want you to realize how important you are too." 

            She runs her slender fingers over your scalp again, eliciting a deep, throaty purr from your lungs.

            "Oh my, I see you still haven't grown out of that habit." You know exactly what she's referring to.

            "Shut up, it's instinctive," you mumble, closing your drooping eyes, "don't act like you don't do it either..."

            Kanaya gives a small laugh and kisses your head - a very pale gesture. Her actions bring heat to your ears, and you feel more inclined to nuzzle into her neck than ever. You feel safe and warm here atop her grand pile of fabrics, and you intend to stay this way for a little while longer. At least until you fall asleep maybe.

            ...

            You may or may not have _very_ intense pale feelings for Kanaya Maryam.

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me how I did.


End file.
